Bah humbug is all I have to say. I still don't feel good and I'm in a crappy mood to boot. Here's the so-far draft of my historical short story....those of you who know me know why it's shitty and pre-occupied. We listened to part of welding with children today in 304, which was interesting and oddly made me in a slightly better mood only because of the oddity of certain parts. Our internet is still down at home so I'm forced to sit here and listen to the stupid freshman in the honors building as I update my blog. Call it cynical old-fartness, but I really don't think we were ever that bad. Ah well I have 40 pages of reading and sentances to write for my class tonight. Yay for procrastination and missing classes because of teacher ed....
Tapestry of DeceitFred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred…It’s written all over her face. The only thing keeping her from going insane is that she doesn’t have enough concentration to do it. Her brain is so completely absorbed by one thought that she doesn’t have the capacity to complete some of the simplest tasks.Emily watched her friend sitting alone at her window staring out of it.
Sarah was always there. Every night she would watch. Emily had intended to invite her over to listen to the radio and talk, but looking at the silhouette against the window, she paused hesitantly at the door.Above her Sarah watched as her Emily turned around and stepped off the porch with only a glance upward.
Her room looked like someone tore through it looking for buried treasure. There are clothes strewn everywhere about the floor and her shoes look like they might talk if given the chance. The black is starting to peel off the rest of the canvas like a cowboy shedding his chaps. The only neat part of the room is the bed that she made in haste this morning after years of the same routine.
Her eyes skim back to the glow of the streetlights outside of my window. A soft breeze floats through the window and headlights trace their way down the street. Mary, across the street, is getting dropped off and her laughter shatters the silence as Danny leads her to the door. Sarah turns away, unable to face the sight and lets the memories carry her with the wind.
Soft brown hair, light blue eyes, slow smile. His hair parts down the middle as he carefully makes sure that it covers his forehead. His grin reveals matching dimples that give a childish look to his face and help to hide the intelligence behind it. His slouching walk conveys his attitude of apathy and yet behind it you see more than just a brick wall.
And a brick wall is exactly what he wants people to see. He’s been doing it for so long he no longer knows how to show anyone what he feels. It scares him too much. Growing up in a family of 6 brothers and 1 sister made him tough. Growing up on a farm gave him values. But it’s who he is behind the façade that makes him special.Most people never see it. Most don’t even take the time to look for anything more, so effective is his disguise.
Her eyes land upon the softly worn brown bear sitting upon the bed. His feet have long ago lost their covering and his nose is peeling off. His head drooped forward as if he fallen asleep while sitting guard with the pillows.It was always just a childish game that made both of them laugh. She’d bring the stuffed bear to life and he’d pretend to fight with it. The fights were never over important things and more often then not he competed with the bear for her affection. They both would laugh and inevitably the bear would be tossed aside so he could hold her tighter or she would roll on her side and cuddle the bear with his arms around her. It was the nights she woke up alone with just the bear that made her cry.
The weight in her chest pushed down and threatened to slow her breathing. The ache she felt was always the same. The pressure that threatened to consume was always followed shortly by the memories of why she felt so empty. It was a strange feeling to be so utterly weighted and so entirely hollow at the same time.
The bomb sirens were going off so loudly she thought they were right on top of her as she dove to hide beneath the desk. It wasn’t until she was safely tucked away with her hands above her head that she realized the sounds were coming from the radio next door. The war was over and it had been several months since she had heard the plaintive wail of sirens. She had fallen asleep in her chair again and she wearily pulled out of her skirt and into her nightgown.
She woke up to the sound of her alarm clock going off. Sliding out from beneath the comforter she smoothed down the sheets noting the bed looked as though it had never been slept in. Picking a floral print dress from her closet she gathered her slip and stockings and laid them on the bed. She hadn’t bothered to put in curlers last night so she simply brushed her hair, not caring if it looked slept upon or not. After dressing she chose a simple white sweater to cover her shoulders and connected her glasses to the chain around her neck.
Breakfast consisted of pancakes and orange juice. There was no syrup so she added it to her list of groceries for after work. The sun was just starting to lazily clear the roofs of the neighboring houses as she locked her door and headed to her car. It reluctantly started after a minute of coaxing.
The drive was a short one and after turning off the ignition she took a deep breath and opened the door.Emily had watched her leave that morning with a sad look. Sarah was still alive, but she lived her days as though the tomb she went to visit daily was her own.
Her eyes returned to the skillet full of eggs in front of her and she turned each of them gently. Breakfast was a family affair but more often than not she always had to yell to get Mary out of the bathroom on time so that she wouldn’t be late for school. Jimmy was already at the table along with his father so she called up the stairs and heard the soft patter of feet in response.Pleased, she turned the eggs out of the pan onto the platter with a faint plop and waited for the sound of Mary’s chair scraping the floor before she placed the eggs on the table.
Breakfast was silent as the children only gave one word responses to her questions and then quickly hurried out the door on their way to school. Her husband did the same with a quick kiss on the cheek and he was gone for work.Now that the house was empty she took her time in clearing the dishes and cleaning them; her thoughts drifting to Sarah and Fred.
She could still see Sarah’s small form dressed all in black as she crumpled before the casket in the cemetery. People had given her pity then. Now they just looked at her and shook their head. Emily was the only one who knew the truth of what had occurred. And she secretly admired her friend’s courage for pushing on. There was a time when not even the doctors thought that she would make it.
Guilt wormed its way into her heart as she wrapped her hair in a bandana for dusting. People didn’t deal well with women who stood on their own. Families were supposed to be the norm and anything else was ignored. She knew she was the reason that Sarah wasn’t accepted; and yet she also knew how much harder it would have been otherwise. Without Emily’s intervention Sarah would have continued her own stubborn way regardless of if it was proper or not. Contenting herself with the thought that she had taken the only proper course of action Emily returned to her chores with a new determination.
Sarah heard them before she saw them. She always did. The day’s lesson had been written on the board and she turned around to see them filing into their seats chattering to one another about this is and that. Some had parts of the day’s newspaper that their father had finished reading and were happily playing with their Silly Putty™. Sticking it to a section and a time and delighting to see the ink transferred to the rubbery material. Some children’s putty was more gray than white anymore as they had used it on so many papers.
As she watched one of the boys bounced forward and placed an apple on her desk. She smiled and thanked Jimmy for his gift. As she watched him walk back to his seat grinning and proud and she thought of how sweet the child was. She loved all of her students but she still secretly held her favorites. Jimmy was one of those kids who listened more than he spoke. But if you watched closely you could tell that he heard everything. When he chose to speak it wasn’t always a monumental statement that came out; but, he often revealed that there was more going on in his mind than his classmates thought.
At the moment his light blue eyes were focused on the board behind her and she could see his lips silently moving as he read the scrawling script. His hair was parted to the side and covered just the side of his forehead in a small wave.He reminded her of Fred as a child. The photographs she had seen showed his slightly wavy hair and rounded cheeks. So innocent, nothing like the man she knew.Pulling herself away from the thoughts as the bell sounded sharply in the background she turned to her desk and began to take roll.
Emily heard the door slam as Jimmy and Mary raced upstairs to their rooms. Shortly after, the sounds of Elvis floated up underneath the door. The record had been played so often that Emily had thought of numerous hiding spots for it just so she wouldn’t have to listen to the dog howl because of the beat. When it came to Elvis, Snooper truly was a “Hound Dog.”About an hour later Emily watched as Sarah pulled into her driveway and unloaded the groceries from the car. Calling upstairs to Mary to watch her brother she stepped out the door and across the street.
It had been nearly 6 years since he left. But she still thought of him every time she brought the groceries home. Carrying them inside the door she almost expected to see him there; sitting in his chair reading his book as he watched her wander around the kitchen putting away things. Inevitably he would heave himself up with a large sigh and stand in the kitchen trying to be helpful and succeeding in only being in the way. She would just laugh and push him back to his chair.
She jumped at the sound of Emily knocking at the door and hurried to let her in. They ended up sitting outside on the porch with lemonade making small talk and watching the neighborhood children play. They talked about the normal things like sewing and the weather. How the kids were doing, and if Martha was aware that her pie at the last church social tasted too bitter. When they had exhausted all of the topics at hand they sat quietly while Emily’s thoughts swirled around inside her head.
When Fred left Sarah standing on the porch holding her belly and crying after him Emily had wanted to hurt him. What kind of man could leave his wife because she was pregnant was beyond her. It just wasn’t done, especially here, in a town of this size where everyone talked.
Sarah had slowly resigned herself to being alone. The war was still going on then and Emily’s husband was away. So the two women fought through the loneliness together. Despite the companionship and the pregnancy Sarah had still continued to lose weight. Emily had started staying with her during the night, rocking little Mary to sleep and then keeping watch over Sarah to make sure she was still breathing.
Not long after that the sleep walking started. Emily would wake up after dozing in her chair to find Sarah standing at the window just whispering his name as she fogged up the glass. Emily would lead her back to bed and tuck her in where she would stay for the rest of the night.It was during these months that Emily began to realize something had to be done if Sarah was going to live a normal life.
An idea began to form in her head and she quickly scribbled a letter to her husband.In it she told him of Sarah’s deteriorating condition. She also slipped in a few hints that she herself was pregnant again with their second child. Satisfied that her plans would work Emily continued to stay with Sarah until she was finally hospitalized. The doctors said it was amazing how healthy the baby was considering his mother’s health. Since Sarah wasn’t well enough to talk with the doctors herself, Emily relayed the messages.
In Emily’s mind it was much like the game of telephone that Mary played with her friends. The message wires just got crossed and a slightly different message was relayed instead of the original. In this way Emily had convinced Sarah that the baby was dying as well.Blinking back these memories Emily broached the topic she had really come to talk about; Sarah. Unsure of how to start she stuttered for a moment and then blurted out the fact that she thought it was high time for Sarah to move on and start trying to live a normal life again. People looked at her strangely, and worse they whispered. She wouldn’t be teaching much longer if she persisted in being so obstinate.
Sarah could hardly believe her ears. For years now Emily had stood beside her and supported everything she’d worked for. Now she was telling her to get over it and forget that anything ever happened. She was trying to erase memories of the man she loved and of the baby she lost. Sarah could still see in her mind’s eye the flowers she had placed on the grave just today.
White daisies that were starting to peak their yellow centers out from behind their petals. She had pulled the encroaching grass away and traced the lines upon the stone; JIMMY SHOEMAKER BORNAND DIED MARCH 4th, 1951.
The engraved teddy bear below the dates was familiar enough for her to draw in her sleep and even now she could see it as she closed her eyes.
It had been a simple matter for Emily to talk the doctor into letting her sister be Sarah’s nurse. And it had been even easier to convince Sarah that they were both having a baby the same day. Emily could hardly believe that she hadn’t even blinked when telling her friend that her baby had died. Her mind was already made up. The only way for this child to have a normal life was for him to grow up with a real set of parents.
Sarah had cried and cried refusing to be comforted and it wasn’t until Emily told her that she was going to name her child Jimmy as well that she was calmed. She never knew why she kept the name that Sarah had picked. It had just seemed far too much like stealing at the time to do otherwise and Sarah had accepted that her Jimmy was gone and at least she still had Emily’s.
Now as she watched her friend’s eyes close while she rocked back and forth on the porch looking older and more worn than her 30 years should have Emily began to retrace the threads and try to find where her plan had begun to unravel.
